A huge blizzard went over the area the last two days so yesterday I had what was effectively a snow day. This gave me some time to do some things.
I've not posted any "new" content for the Fanfic. However, there are changes. The previous opening chapter is now the Prologue, since the dialogue is straight out of the final scene of the episode "Apocolypse" and the dialogue is not my own work. The next chapter is now 'Chapter 1'.
Let me say 'Thank You' for those that have given me some constructive criticism on my fanfic. With these comments in mind and the extra time, I gave each an initial proof and rewrite.
I've come to the following conclusions:
1. I fancy myself a wordsmith to my own detriment
I try to communicate a lot of details, and sometimes I just end up being wordy and convoluted.
2. I have issues with dialogue transitions and inserting commentary (descriptions, reactions) during interchanges.
Parts of Chapter 1 dialogue didn't flow how I'd like and seemed more like blocks of small conversations.
3. Integrating the characters with the surroundings didn't help.
I tried to make it so it seemed in real time and very descriptive(a.k.a food ordering, small talk, waiter coming back with orders). Certain times I couldn't find a good place to have the waiter return. Was it too soon? They had spoken like five lines of dialogue since he took thier order, if he comes back now the beef will still be red and bloody. Should I ditch the waiter and not try to say write about the little gestures, the side props(reaching to the middle of the table for menus, etc.)? This let to the next one.
4. At the end, I maybe half-gave up.
What the hell was I going to get them to talk about for another hour as they ate? So basically it was detail, detail, detail, get food and leave. Otherwise it was turning into effectively an episode with a single scene between the same two people at the same place for the entire hour.
5. My writing sucks.
The last one is the conclusion I tend to stamp on most things I attempt, so it's not like it's anything new. For whatever reason I feel a strong need to find something I have a real talent for and for that talent to be recognized. This is not it. If I continue, it'll be because I feel good enough about it to post it somewhere with a readership of larger than five people.
I suppose this makes me sensitive to criticism and that's probably true. I realize though that it's the only way I'm going to get any better at writing (or anything).
I'm not sure how much longer I'll keep up at this, I don't see myself having time to write about anything in the next few days, and quite frankly I'm not sure whether to continue on in a longer storyline, or just stop here and declare it a one-shot and write a different one.
I'm rambling. Anyways, the rewrite sections are up. Perhaps I'll give it another proofread sometime, but over the next few days(and weeks) I'll be focused on work and the holidays.